Cold
by WorldsWorthlessToy
Summary: Whenever Neji knocks, Tenten opens the door for him to come in and take from her whatever he wants. She keeps doing so even though they never talk about it. She loves him. But he is still cold, even to her. Everyone can see that. Does she? - M to be safe.


Cold

Dedicated to: LoveLoveShine. Thanks a million for your review to "With all senses". For you didn´t leave an e-mail-address I thank you here and hope that, if you read this, you enjoy it as much.

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He touched her. He devoured her. She didn´t defend herself even though he was rough. Really rough. He always cared for her pleasure and it was always her who came first. All that had never been the problem. She melted in his arms, no matter how cold he was.

One time she heard a saying. "Every fool can seduce a woman. It´s the way he leaves her that makes him a man or not." If that was true, he was no good man. He seduced her, over and over again, whenever he felt like it. She was letting herself being seduced, over and over again, whenever he felt like it. And he left her. Over and over again. Every time. As soon as he would have managed to catch his breath and get a hold of himself he would get up, clean himself up, dress and leave without a word.

She loved him. He loved her. At least she hoped so. He never told her. But then again, she never told him either and he seemed to know somehow. But no matter what they did to each other – if it was rather rough or almost gentle, if he told her to be quiet or if he made her scream until her voice was hoarse and her throat was aching – they never talked about it.

She didn´t quite remember how it started. They had been friend since their childhood and when he became Jounin and she his subordinate Chuunin it just happened – somehow. And now she was practically his whore. She knew he used her for his own pleasure and, even more, for his own desire to dominate. Because that was what he did. No matter if she stayed silent because he told her so or screamed because he made her, she obeyed his every wish.

When they weren´t alone, nothing of what they had together was visible. Nobody knew what happened in her apartment at least twice a week; nobody knew that she gave up everything just for him. Just to please him. They both knew if she would have her way he would stay afterwards, talk to her, stroke her cheek and tell her how he felt, no matter how that was. He could say he hated her and just enjoyed to get his pleasure out of her, she would cope with it. She just wanted to know. She felt like she needed to know, but she knew this wasn´t true for she was still alive and dealing with it even though she never asked him.

She didn´t need to. At least she thought so. Little did she know about her own patience.

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It was not until their somewhat fucked up relationship lasted almost a year that Neji began to really think about it. It started one night when he came back from a difficult A-Rank mission. She had been staying home due to the remains of a concussion. She was feeling perfectly well but Tsunade had put in her veto when she tried to come with him. She was in bed at the minute the knocking sounded through her apartment. She was unable to find any sleep, not only because she wasn´t anywhere near to exhausted due to of her lack of training or missions in the last two days but also because she was worried. He was strong, she never doubted that, but, maybe… maybe one day it wouldn´t be enough to just be strong. Maybe one day someone would be stronger than him.

The knocking broke the silence in her apartment almost gently. She knew it was him. She had a doorbell. He was the only one who knocked. And he knocked every time, giving her the first and only opportunity to turn him down this time by pretending not to be home. She had been tempted to do that, once, when she had been tired and her head hurt, but she never actually did that. Not now either.

She got up, running a hand through her hair and checking her reflection in the hallway mirror while walking by it – she knew he didn´t care how she looked, but she did. She opened the door. And there he stood, full of dirt and covered in blood. In the dim light of her apartment she saw it wasn´t his blood. He didn´t say a word. He shook violently. She had never seen him like this before.

"Neji?"

He still didn´t talk, only looking at her, panting, blood in his face, under his eye, almost on his lips.

"What happened?"

No answer. She didn´t really expect one. She stepped aside, letting him in. She wouldn´t care if he would touch her now with these blood-stained hands, but he seemed to. She took one of his shaking hands. Had he killed someone he knew or why was he so paralyzed? She didn´t dare to ask. He sure seemed distressed. She led him to her bathroom and made hot water run into the sink.

"Come on."

She took his hands, gently pulling them under the warm stream. Even though blood was better cleaned with cold water she made it hot. He was cold like death. He still didn´t talk nor react to anything she did as she started to wash his hands. But he watched her concentrated face, taking in her worried expression.

When she was finished washing him he took her. Her nails ran through his back, leaving angry red scratches behind, but he didn´t mind. Afterwards he was out of her apartment even before she caught her breath.

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He loved her. He always had. From the very beginning. And with getting her he got something he never thought he deserved. He just didn´t deserve her. Didn´t deserve the smiles she gave him, didn´t deserve her acceptance of everything he did to her. But nevertheless, by some miracle, he got it. He got her. And she didn´t run nor did she seem to be afraid of him after everything he did. He wanted to show her he loved her. He really did. But… how does one do something like that?

He had been looking at couples all the time, trying to figure out how to show love. But what they did – kisses on noses, lips and foreheads in public, ridiculous behavior around one another, giggling or boasting – was that really an appropriate way to show love? He decided it wasn´t. Not for a woman, no, a lady like her. He had to do better than that. That was ridiculous.

He had been raised not only as a fighter, as a killer, from the beginning, but also as a nuisance. From the day he got his mark he sensed in everything that was said and done to him that he was worthless, some piece of trash to be thrown away for the life of a main family member at any time.

And over all the years of hearing and sensing that he began to believe it. But how was he, who had never known love after his father´s death, to show love to someone? He just never learned it. First he thought she knew he loved her just by what they did, but it wasn´t enough to just gamble on her knowing somehow. No, he needed to make it sure. But he couldn´t say it. She would be repelled. She would think of it as a joke or, even worse, a lie. Would she not? He didn´t want to take the risk. He didn´t like taking risks. He didn´t need to. Not in battle. But with her…

Everything was different with her. She was kind. She was strong. And yet he never managed to show her how much she meant to him. From her behavior, from the fact that she never said or did anything about what they had, he guessed she thought he just used her. He didn´t! He never would! But how to make her see? He had tried to say it, alone at night in bed, imagining her face and then saying the words he thought that were to be said to someone meaning to someone else what she meant to him. He said them, quiet so nobody would hear in the silence of the night, but they felt strange in his mouth, as if he would be trying to swallow something too large to take a bite out.

He was no person of many words. Not in battle, not in friendship, and not in… whatever they had. He wanted it to be… love. But did she? Or did she maybe hate him by now for being like he was, for being so… cold?

He never meant to be so cold. It was just how he was. But would she love someone like him, someone frozen? Someone who didn´t even know what love really was, someone who was confused if he felt something like this? Maybe she would tell him he didn´t know what it was. And maybe she was even right with it. But he had to make her realize… and that was when he made a desperate decision. He would do something he avoided for all his life. He would ask for help.

"N-Neji-nii-san?" Neji knew it was impolite to knock at the door of someone at three o clock at night but he was unable to stay still anymore. Hinata was wearing a nightshirt in the same lavender tone as both of their eyes, rubbing said eyes sleepily. "I am very sorry to wake you up, Hinata-sama", he said. Hinata had been in… love… all her life with one person. She would sure know what it was and would be able to tell Neji. "C-Come in", she said and stepped aside, letting him in. He went inside and she closed the door. "What happened, N-Nii-san?" Neji hesitated. "Have a seat", he said. Hinata sat down on her bed and pointed towards her chair. He didn´t sit down. "I… I need you to tell me something." Hinata buried her hands between her knees, maybe she was cold. Or shy.

"What do you w-want to know?" This one time he was thankful for her ridiculous kindness. "I need to know", he said slowly, folding his hands behind his back to keep himself from fumbling with the hem of his shirt. "I need to know what love is." Hinata blinked a few times. "L-Love?" He nodded. "I need to know what that means, to love someone", he explained. For a moment he hesitated about what she would say. Would she just blush and stay silent? Make him go? Tell him to find it out himself?

"L-Love is", Hinata began sheepishly, lowering her head, "if you can´t stop thinking of somebody. If this person is on your mind all the time and if you think of what they would say every time you don´t know how to go on. If you… admire this girl or feel responsible for her. If you want to touch her or… you want her to touch you. Or if you feel excited every time she´s close." Neji listened, mentally thinking it over, just shallowly wondering why Hinata was stuttering all the time but not when she talked about love.

"And if you think", Hinata continued, her voice becoming even more steady, "that you wouldn´t stand it if the person would be hurt, if you feel as if every pain they feels will make you want to cry. And if you feel as if you wouldn´t mind all the rest of the world hating you if only this one person would love you."

Then Hinata fell silent. Neji stood there, thinking for several minutes. So it was true. He really DID love Tenten! What Hinata said was just how he felt! So he wasn´t all cold after all. He had to tell her. And if he would have to say the words he didn´t know how to pronounce, he didn´t know how to say right.

"Thank you, Hinata-sama", he said and turned to leave the room, but Hinata´s gentle voice held him back. "I really think she loves you too", she said softly. Neji turned around, his heart thundering in his chest. "Y-You noticed?" This time it was him who stuttered.

Hinata nodded. "But don´t worry. I don´t think anyone has realized you feel the same. That´s why everyone pities her, I suppose." Neji´s eyes widened. "They pity her?" Hinata smiled. "Everyone thinks you don´t even look at her. Don´t worry, I didn´t tell anyone." Neji wondered how she knew. He decided not to ask. Hinata was sensible for things like this.

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As Tenten opened her door next time for Neji he shook and seemed nervous. That was no miracle. She had been gone for ten days straight now and he must be frustrated. She led him to her bedroom and reached for the hem of her shirt to undress, but suddenly she felt his body behind her, his hands catching her wrists.

"No", he said. "Wait."

She stopped and he gently turned her around. Then he raised his hand and stroked her cheek, inexpertly and hesitant. Her eyes widened.

"I… I need to talk to you." He let go of her and she took a step backwards.

"Neji?"

Neji seemed desperate to calm down.

"It´s about… about you and, well, me." Tenten´s heart jumped.

"I… I know it must seem to you that I just use you", he began, for the first time in his life at a lack of words. But he had studied! He knew what he wanted to say, he just had to repeat it.

"But I would never use you. I know I´m not good at showing feelings, but…" He forgot his line. Oh no.

"I know I´m acting cold", he said, unable to really look at her for the very first time.

"But I don´t mean to. It´s just… I just am like this. And if you want to have all the rest, all the things couples do, I´m afraid I´m not… but… well… I think, no, I know that I… I…"

He couldn´t say it. He just couldn´t! Those used words, a dried phrase everyone used… this was just not good enough for her.

A slender finger came to rest on his lips. He stilled, looking into her chocolate eyes with fear of what he would see. He almost didn´t believe what he saw when there was deep acceptance in her eyes, understanding and even…

"I know", she said. In some way she was like him – she didn´t like words very much either. "So do I." She lowered her hand. For a moment both of them just stood there, looking at each other, unable to say a word.

Then he moved, his hands cupping her face, kissing her gently on the lips, a kiss so different to the ones they shared before, the heated, passionate ones.

She responded, one of her hands finding the way to his shoulder, stroking his neck with her thumb.

Tenten was different from him. She was warm. In fact, she was so hot that nobody who met her was able to escape her friendly attitude even though she didn´t babble to get attention like people like Ino.

But somehow, by some miracle… she was willing to have him the way he was, the cold way he was.

They made love this night. They never did this before.

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He wondered. Why was she able to love him, cold as he was?

Most of the time he had to be with other people he had spent making them think he didn´t have any emotions so nobody would try to hurt him, a self-defending reflex which worked well with all people – all except her. She had been looking through his defense walls from the very beginning.

Little did he know that while being able to deceive god and the world and even himself into thinking he didn´t feel anything, he had never been able to deceive her. And she was the one to melt him. Free him from the ice inside himself. He knew it had just begun. THEY had just begun. And so much more was yet to come.

XXX

Originally this was planned as a songfic for the song "Cold". Thank you, Twin Ryuzaki, the band is called Crossfade indeed. (Listen to this song, it´s awesome!) But songfics have never been my horse to jump on so I don´t really wonder why it didn´t work out. But I´m satisfied with it the way it turned out after all.

I just love this pairing.


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